A Grateful Holiday

November 28, 2014

My favorite holiday of every year is Thanksgiving.  It is an American invention, families get together to celebrate, it eliminates politics, and if you’re lucky, the food is good and plentiful.

That said, it has its pitfalls.  For some families the stress of all getting to the same place, preparing for the mob, and of course, the usual differences among the attendees can create issues for even the closest families and friends. 

In my case, I go to a huge family Thanksgiving with Kimberly’s family.  They are a close-knit bunch with five of six sisters regularly coming together at the oldest sister, Kris’s home.  She does have a 45-year partner, Owen, and they have been holding this grand event for over 40 years.  Everybody is in the game and expected to contribute something to the feast.  I have been invited for 26 years and can’t remember having missed yet.  Everybody generally seems to be having a wonderful time, and it gives us a chance to chat and catch up with the Portland branch and watch all the kids grow up one year at a time. 

Several weeks ago, I had a hip replacement. Not exactly ordinary because it was a hip that had already been replaced with a prosthetic 18 or 19 years ago.  We really can’t remember when.  So, this was a replacement of a replacement.  How lucky can you get? For the present, the rest of my implants seem to be holding up pretty well.  My recovery has gone well.  I am back to working out with my Trainer, the great Elias Casolla, and will slowly get back to my regular routines.  I have a deep aversion to pain meds and since leaving the hospital have not taken anything stronger than Tylenol.  You are not able to take anti-inflammatories because of the risk of thinning your blood too much.  Because I am arthritic throughout my entire body, I am suddenly able to know exactly where every touch of arthritis resides.  At some point I will be able to resume a regular routine with my drug of choice, Aleve, but it won’t be for a few more weeks.  There isn’t much more to say about all of this except I am most fortunate to have had an excellent recovery most of the way.

For some reason, yesterday, Thanksgiving was one of the difficult pain days.  That ache all over feeling that makes even the most stoic patient slow and not so nice.  So, even though we went as usual, I was not at my best.  After the feast, many of us have always played charades, but last night that wouldn’t work for me.  Also, even though I am grateful for many things, it is hard to show when it’s not going too well.  So, we scrammed home and I hit the deck only to watch on replay my fav 49er’s play so badly that I turned off the TV and went to sleep. 

That is sort of the end.  Today, I feel more like myself and am most grateful for that.  Also, for the fantastic Kimberly, my loving family including the beautiful and talented Beccy who turned 21 three days ago, my genuine good health, few worries about material things, and for an older guy a promising future in my business stuff. Because we cannot predict the future and for sure there will be changes, I will take this good fortune for right now.  This moment to be mindful of all the goodness.  Be here, be here now.   

Rain

October 22, 2014

Is it ever going to rain?  We seem to have lots of threats and some very dark clouds but not much coming down.  I left the window of my car open last night by mistake and in the morning it was slightly wet on the inside of the doors but barely.  For a variety of reasons it is driving me crazy.  My inner calendar calls for this season to have some precipitation, and I keep thinking it will come. 

In 1977 I was living in San Francisco in the shadow of Buena Vista Park.  BV, as we called it, has the world’s best public tennis court.  The park is very big by city standards, the second largest park in San Francisco topped only by the very magnificent Golden Gate Park.  The tennis courts were on the East side of the park and were sheltered from the fog and mist that passed over from West to East, so you could be playing tennis while the rest of the park was shrouded in dense fog.  Also, the courts had an unparalleled view of the Bay and downtown SF.  It seemed perfect to me. 

While I had been living in San Francisco for years, there had been no drought since my arrival.  That year, it never rained.  The weather was perfect day after day.  While I was carrying a significant travel schedule, still I was around for many sunny days.  We had a regular game that we played at lunchtime and god forbid some other neighbors or players were on our public court at that time.  Using whatever technique necessary we always got a court.  Lunch was tennis.  We never missed a day and we all improved.  Still I kept waiting for the rain.

As a short aside, in 1982, many of my tennis pals started to get sick and of our group of about 100 players, over half of them died within the next couple of years. It was incredibly sad and devastating to us.  It was a desperate time and AIDS seemed unstoppable.  Many of our players simply disappeared.  It seemed to never end, and of course it finally did, but way too late for dozens of my pals. 

So here we are in Sonoma, 2014 and another Fall season begins with very little promise of rain.  It really worries me that someday we will run out of water.  That we will have used it all up, that the aquifers will run dry, that winter won’t come.  I suppose I have enough to worry about, but it bugs me that we don’t seem to do anything constructive about saving our resources.  Have we reached the level of non-concern that seems to abound in Southern California?  Maybe I am too naive.  What does it take to make our society pay attention to these primal matters?  As much as I dislike the early dark and the falling leaves, it seems the best I can do is reduce my usage and hope it starts raining soon.

Some Words About Loss

September 30, 2014

We are on the road with our dog Bodhi and right now I am sitting in a lovely room at the completely renovated Heritage House near Mendocino on the Pacific Ocean.  We have had a beautiful easy day.  We have a great view from our room, no pressure to do anything, and our worldview is optimistic and expansive.

Of course, if you are a pessimist or even a realist you know that it all will change.  We can only hope to “be here now” for as long as possible.  The last several months have been filled with serial bereavement, the loss of friends, a long term employee who was really a friend, and some friends who were connected  peripherally and through others.  It is also Fall and the changing of the season.  While some love the Autumn, (it’s Kimberly’s favorite season), I find the earlier darkness and shorter days to be a depressant.  So call me a whiner.  Going back to school was never my best moment. It reminds me of Sunday night before school knowing that Monday brought homework assignments and preparations that I might not have fully completed. 

So these little tics hang on into my old age.  Darker days, Sunday nights, worrying about things you can’t change.  One can only say that they will probably stay with me until the end.  Still, things have changed and whether I like it or anticipate it, dread it or hate it, still I must accept what cannot be changed.  So what is so different?

It is much easier to see the “horizon” than it was twenty years ago.  What is the “Horizon”?  It is my own mortality, it is seeing friends fail, it is not being able to walk the golf course, it is getting up several times every night, not remembering names that I know, making sure I get that afternoon nap, going to bed earlier, not reading as fast, taking more time in the morning, not having food taste as good etc.  I can probably go on but who cares?  Even with all the give-ups, I still get to do lots of things I love including all things family, tennis and biking, workouts and talking to pals, driving and riding my scooter and looking at art and of course craft, 49er football and those maligned A’s and just getting started with the NY Times in the morning. We know that nobody under 50 even reads the paper.  

You can say it is all “good” and it is better than being sick or crazy.  But, it is different.  My answer to the above complaining is to try and make everyday the best that it can be. I am less than perfect at that but Kimberly is such a great support and she makes sure that I keep it going.   Here’s to getting the best of everyday. Time for a Scotchola. 

Exercise for the Aged

September 22, 2014

Simon’s Blog

One of my favorite things to do has always involved exercise.  I have been overweight my whole life, but it has rarely gotten in the way of trying to do something active, almost every day. For many years it was tennis and then squash and now once again I am playing tennis at least once every week.  It is such a fun game and challenging, especially as an older person.  I used to play squash or tennis three or four times a week, but today that wouldn’t be possible.  After my current Saturday game, it takes me an afternoon with a short nap to recover and right now while I am awaiting my new hip, it hurts. 

I always thought that if I took up golf, it would be some sort of easy game.  That couldn’t be further from the truth of what happened when I started playing in my early 60s.  It is a hard game, a mind game, a pain game, and I find myself very frustrated with the whole endeavor.  I have now limited myself to a nine-hole game and even at that half level, my concentration stinks.  Still I think that if I had the right attitude, I could enjoy a walk around instead of getting irritated by my own lack of concentration.  For the present, I will ride in a cart, but in general, it is better to walk; it improves the game and makes you more relaxed. 

For many years I tried to do something aerobic everyday.  I would either ride the exercise bike or a hybrid bike on the street or an elliptical machine that works in any kind of weather because it’s inside.  I force myself to do this by watching a sporting event while at the same time playing music at its highest volume, usually Motown. Nothing is more boring than trying to complete 30 to 40 minutes, but the rush when I finish strong sets up a wonderful rush of endorphins and then comes the reward of a good Scotchola. 

Finally, over the years, perhaps the last 30, I have had a trainer either once or twice a week.  I have had good trainers and some not so good but lucky me for the ability to hire someone to motivate me.  Now I have the best trainer I’ve ever experienced, Elias Casolla .  He is relentless and keeps my heart rate up for the entire 50 plus minutes that we work out.  He has improved my mobility, balance, flexibility and I am even pushing more weight than I pushed ten years ago.  In other words, it is not just weight lifting but a whole well rounded program.  I go twice a week and try not to think about it too much for I fear I won’t go. My other great trainer was Achim Albrecht in SF, truly a fine guy and a super trainer; I miss him.

So the downside of all this good physical activity is my appetite.  No matter how much I work out, no matter how good my exercise path, it doesn’t matter.  I can always out eat my exercise.  It really hacks me off.  My lovely brother, Bob, has always been thin, never worried about weight, eats whatever he wants while I have suffered with a thousand diets.  I bet I have lost my entire weight several times on diets that work for a while and then don’t.   Somehow you think that when you get older perhaps you won’t like food as much - that is baloney or steak or something.

Be Here Now

I wonder what makes me want to do a blog again after all these years.  The last time I wrote regularly was during our life changing five months in Rome.  I was a Visiting Scholar at the American Academy and Kim was feverishly studying Italian so we could get around in a place where spoken English was the exception not the rule.  In my fading memory, I can recall doing an engaged time that involved touring, learning, eating fantastic food, and in general staying very busy and using every second to get the most out of our unique and highly intellectual experience. 

It is hard to believe that we came home to Sonoma and San Francisco in early February of 2006.  If eight years could go any faster we wouldn’t have much more time on this planet.  Maybe the earth is traveling faster.  In any case, I am back to my blog which gave me so much pleasure eight years ago. 

I am thinking about how it feels to get older and what I am able to do to stave off my mind from thinking about it too much.  So one of the paths I am repeating to myself is to try and find the ability to compartmentalize so that I can make every moment count.  One example is a coming hip replacement.  From a history point of view, I have gotten my monies worth from the replacements of both of my real hips over 18 years ago.  These appliances are supposed to give us about 15 to 20 years and I am right in the middle.  I must admit, I never thought about a replacement when I had the first hips inserted.  It all felt so good, no more arthritic pain, squash came back into my life, and I could once more walk without pain.  Now I remember what I was feeling - some pain everyday and sometimes lots of pain.  So, after putting this new situation off for over a year, I am forced to have my right hip done again and the left one will follow unless I leave this mortal plain.  I have scheduled the first surgery for November 10^th. 

So now the rationale for my word, compartmentalize.  Because I do not want the operation to weigh on me for the next couple of months, I will compartmentalize.  I do not need to think about this event for a while and my plan is not to let it interfere with anything that is going on in my current life.  I include trying to play all my games, take a vacation, do my work and even try to be nice at the same time.  That is probably the hardest part as chronic pain makes you not the nicest person in the world. 

So what will my technique be for this rationalization?  For me it will have to be something from the Buddhist tradition.  I will rely on meditation and my  favorite saying to myself, “Be here now” and always be mindful of how lucky I am to “Be here now.”  It is not as simple as it sounds because I must admit, I can be pretty depressed by pain and circumstance.  Nevertheless, for the next few months, I am going to try and lose a couple of pounds (makes the recovery easier) and be in a good mood.  I will attempt to complete my tasks with a smile and throw in an occasional Scotchola just for the fun of it.  I hope I have much more to say, but unlike my Roman blog which was long on daily activities, I’m hoping to keep this one short enough that somebody reads it.